Mike's Fucking Blog

- Who Changes Who?: My case for North Korea travel bans
  
  Posted at 3:38 pm by mikesfuckingusername, on April 24, 2020
  
  Until the regime allows its people and guests total freedom of travel, the bans should remain
  
  In 2013 I was a graduate student at American University’s elite School of International Service, where we are charged with a mission to be Peace Wager’s.
  
  SIS had (temporarily) turned a hardened warrior into a peace activist. I sold my gun collection and raised tons of money to carryout a long list of Public Diplomacy projects that I designed; and I coined myself a Citizen Diplomat.
  
  SIS taught me that the last three feet of the bridge [where enemies meet] is where the handshakes and hugs are given. Indeed, I even stupidly allowed myself to be photographed hugging a Korean People’s Army soldier.
  
  My projects included an inter-Korean orchestra, joint fishing zones and fishing trips, taekwondo tours, beer tours and a rap video project — to name a few.
  
  My hypothesis was that through People-to-People exchanges, “average” North Koreans and average American’s could participate in “genuine” on-the-ground exchanges that would tear divisions down and allow long time enemies to see the humanity in each other, eventually eroding warring stances over time.
  
  For example, I let the KPA taekwondo fighter knock me out just to see if he would cheer or help me up afterwords. I thought it would give me a true bead on their changeability. Turns out he helped me up, BUT even that was not an accurate method to determine their changeability.
  
  I presumed that if I inspired enough foreigners to visit North Korea and try various types of exchanges then we could change North Korea to come out of the cold and abide by international norms.
  
  Boy was I wrong!
  
  Before you attack me you should know that I already received so many death threats the FBI had to get involved in my personal safety. And I was bullied so badly for being wrong that I was suicidal and eventually everything in my life got ruined.
  
  But even worse than that, I was detained and interrogated in North Korea. I thought I would never make it home again. After an hour in an interrogation room with State Security Department officials sneering and frothing at the mouths, accusing me of trying to undermine the regime, I was kicked out and banned.
  
  Others who thought like me have not been so lucky.
  
  Fast forward to present day: President Trump rightly initiated a travel ban for Americans, but unfortunately other countries did not follow suit. Some of the regime’s biggest defenders were imprisoned in North Korea or by their communist ally, China.
  
  Why would the regime detain its “useful idiots,” you may ask? Well, in my opinion, it is because “engagers” (“citizen diplomats” who think like I used to) are viewed by the regime as a threat to their existence. Also, because the regime doesn’t want anyone violating any of their draconian, pre-programmed Potemkin shows.
  
  Until the day North Korea allows its citizens and guests complete freedom of travel without minders and pre-approvals for every little thing, there is no logical justification for taking the regime off the travel ban list.
  
  Please think twice before traveling to North Korea, or even thinking that this is a regime that’s capable of changing. Every engager I know has deeply regretted it and been changed for the worse.
  
  | 0 Comments Tagged Citizen Diplomacy, North Korea, P2P, People-to-People, Tourism in North Korea, Travel Ban, Who changed who
- The US should intervene in North Korea when Kim Jong-un dies
  
  Posted at 5:59 pm by mikesfuckingusername, on April 21, 2020
  
  Late last night news broke that Kim Jong-un was on his deathbed following an April 12th cardiovascular surgery. This explained why he was missing in action from Day of the Sun festivities on April 15th.
  
  SEE HERE FOR HOW THE SOVIET UNION COLLAPSED
  
  The news, which was originally reported by Daily NK, was called fake by Yonhap, sparking side debates. Daily NK is supported by $400,000 grants from the US National Endowment for Democracy. Yonhap News is funded by the South Korean government.
  
  It is safe to say that Daily NK based their information on something leaked from one of our listening posts, and South Korea’s agenda is strictly to maintain good relations by providing shade for the regime.
  
  However, it is neither here nor there to me. For the purpose of this post, I will just assume that Kim will die sooner than an heir achieves proper age and training to fill his shoes.
  
  Regarding America’s contingency plans for KJU’s death, Fox News reported that “a well placed defense intelligence source” says the intelligence community expects a humanitarian crisis would occur on KJU’s sidelining or death, and that they hope China will step in to help manage the situation.
  
  I think most Pyongyangologists would expect some political infighting and power struggles until a new leader emerges. In North Korea’s patriarchal society, I expect a brutal Korean People’s Army general would emerge victorious in that power struggle, rather than Kim’s wife, sister or daughter.
  
  Meanwhile, the draconian regime would lockdown the entire country, punish all “wavering” persons, and many will starve to death.
  
  Why does the US always expect China to step in, especially after the destruction of US – China relations following our economic breakup with them and the COVID-19 crisis?
  
  We should maximize the opportunity to promote US interests by showing average North Koreans who the good guys are — America, in case some of you wondered.
  
  We should do a full scale intervention.
  
  For nearly a decade I have argued that the only way to liberate the regime is to bombard them with “radical guerrilla engagement.” I have also argued that my proposals have never been taken seriously because nobody truly has an interest in ending the Korean War.
  
  As mentioned above, after KJU dies I expect a hardliner KPA general would emerge from power struggles as the new dictator; and I expect he would be the most ruthless and brutal dictator in regime history — which says a lot.
  
  American intervention looks like economic engagement; peace forces; sending food and supplies with “Made in America” packaging, and American personnel to distribute it; American doctors; American educators; American media; American political advisors; and allowing average American citizens to travel there again — to name a few. Also, obviously, we should be doing all kinds of information warfare and PSYOPS in the background.
  
  I know most don’t want to hear it, but turning a dictatorship into a democracy requires that we actually spread democracy throughout North Korea by directly engaging them, on the ground, and wait for the seeds of democracy to sprout.
  
  But I digress because nobody truly has an interest in ending the Korean War.
  
  | 2 Comments Tagged DPRK, enagegement, Intervention, Kim Jong Un, Liberate North Korea, North Korea
- Lift the COVID-19 Lockdown! #LiveFreeOrDie
  
  Posted at 3:58 pm by mikesfuckingusername, on April 13, 2020
  
  “I prefer dangerous freedom over peaceful slavery.” – Thomas Jefferson
  
  The United States has been in COVID-19 lockdown for one month with no end in sight. Some predict a peak will come soon, others say it will run through the fall, and the most dire — albeit credible — predictions estimate the lockdown will last for 18 months.
  
  See here for a good source of maps and visuals.
  
  Need I remind our leadership that Americans fought the Revolutionary War during a smallpox epidemic? Or, on a larger scale, that Natural Selection is actually good for the human race and has historically made us stronger, ensuring the survival fo future generations?
  
  Where is the risk calibration? Has anyone stopped to consider that more lives are still being lost to the flu than to CV? Or what about the fact that lockdown will, very likely, cause more deaths due to suicide, bankruptcy and other factors than CV?
  
  This is truly the feeblest generation. At some point you just have to accept fate and let it run its course. Crashing the economy and taking everyone’s freedoms away in attempt at cheating death makes no sense.
  
  Even more confusing is the true reason for the lockdown — the healthcare system. Most proponents of the lockdown justify it to protect the hospitals from being overloaded.
  
  Last week I blew my knee out, but even though the hospital is empty I cannot be seen for my knee because it is not considered a critical emergency. And even if it was, my doctor is currently laid off. Hospitals are hemorrhaging money. This will continue until decision-makers feel that COVID-19 cases have dropped to manageable levels for hospitals to accommodate — or, 18 months.
  
  In the meantime, American’s are out of work, have lost their purpose, and are dependent on government stimulus checks to pay their mortgage or rent — never mind how we will eat too. But hey, at-least we have the cleanest houses we’ve ever had in our lives!
  
  Wouldn’t it be in the American spirit to die with freedom than surrender to this? Just give me my dose of COVID-19 and if I survive it, let me go to work so I can be a productive member of society. If I don’t survive it then I will rest assured knowing that COVID-19 ensured the survival of future generations and, this way, didn’t wreck the economy and turn America into a socialist nation in the process.
  
  In the words of Patrick Henry, “Give me liberty or give me death!” Lift the lockdowns and let the chips fall where they may. We cannot go silently into that cold dark night, we cannot die hiding afraid in our homes, we cannot let the country collapse…
  
  We have to live free or die — it is the American way.
  
  Well, I’ve gotta run. I slept 9.5 hours last night and am absolutely locked & fucking loaded for another big day of hand washing and staring out the window!
  
  | 2 Comments Tagged American socialism, coronavirus, COVID-19, lockdown, quarantine
- My War For Peace In Korea
  
  Posted at 4:24 pm by mikesfuckingusername, on April 4, 2020
  
  My father was an abusive alcoholic who abandoned me as a child, but luckily I had an amazing grandfather who replaced him. My grandpa is the sweetest, kindest man I’ve ever known and he had an enormous impact on my life.
  
  I remember him teaching me how to play baseball and then showing me pictures of him playing baseball with an orphaned Korean boy from the Iron Triangle in 1952. I imagined myself like that boy, and having a little better childhood thanks to my grandpa.
  
  Following in his footsteps I joined the Army, and after a tour in Germany I finally found myself stationed on the DMZ near Panmunjeom in Area 1.
  
  One night we were alerted around 0300hrs because a defector had made it across. Our squadron commander ordered us all into the gym to listen to her story. She’d been a supply clerk and was accused of stealing a pack of pencils. In the gulag she was raped and then tortured for being raped. I was so mad I wanted to reignite the war by launching tank rounds into the DPRK. Luckily, I was talked down and went into recon a few years later.
  
  After the Army I chose scholarly and activist approaches. I found myself a peace activist with the delusion that I could end the Korean War if people would just listen to me. I was blogging and writing for think tanks, and even served as an intel analyst who briefed everyone from military leaders to government officials and ambassadors.
  
  I had effectively done everything humanly possible to become a Korean War expert: I learned the language, lived in Korea for a decade, studied North Korea in college, in grad school, and even in North Korea during three months of visits. At the end of it, I knew every actor in the field and what their positions were. I began to realize that every position anyone notable ever took always resulted in a perpetuation of the North Korean regime, and therefore the war. It drove me crazy.
  
  The harder I fought to end the war, the more resistance I got. Especially from human rights actors and NGO’s — oddly enough. At one point I wrongfully believed that North Korea was the only country who truly wanted to end the war. But then the regime detained and interrogated me during a visit. I was kicked out and banned, which taught me a valuable lesson that I’d never forget: Engagers are the biggest threat to the regime.
  
  My (borrowed) theory was that radical guerrilla engagement could force the Hermit Kingdom to collapse and South Korea could absorb it. So, I launched several public diplomacy projects; ranging from orchestra’s to rap video’s, and environmental projects to parades. Later, I even worked as a DOD intelligence analyst where I briefed senior leaders at the two star, four star and COCOM levels.
  
  Several more terrible experiences later, I’d finally come to the bitter conclusion that it is in nobody’s interest to end the Korean War. America, South Korea, Japan, North Korea, China and Russia — the main stakeholders — all have their own incentives to keep the war perpetually going: The Korean Peninsula basically serves as a frontline between communism and freedom. To end it would be to snap that Achilles Heel and all hell would break loose.
  
  To provide an example of what I’m talking about, yesterday I read an article — which perhaps triggered me to write this piece — where an analyst, Dr. Christopher Richardson, claimed that North Korea is struggling against South Korean influence. Despite the opposite being true — apparent by all of President Moon’s seemingly pro-DPRK policies — Richardson made anecdotal arguments about how Southern ideology has influenced the North. True or not, what is the point of giving the DPRK reasons for crackdowns and telling them exactly what to look for?
  
  My problem with this article is that when the regime reads it, it causes them to crackdown on their people more. In the human rights sense, crackdowns are devastating to the population. In the sense of preserving the Status Quo, that’s exactly what crackdowns achieve. I digress because I’ve finally realized that the Status Quo, no matter how ugly it is, is for the good of the order. No amount of current human suffering or pain caused by today’s division, is, according to the experts, more important than preserving the Status Quo. After all, breaking that Achilles Heel would make today’s problems seem like a walk in the park.
  
  I have many regrets in my life but the Korean War is my Rosebud. I have done my best since leaving the field, in disgraced failure, to make amends with everyone I hurt by accusing them of perpetuating the Korean War. I can only hope that they have also forgiven me too. Sometimes some people just have to learn the hard way. None of us are perfect, certainly not me.
  
  It greatly pains me to know that North Korean people are still suffering under the regime, that divided families are still separated, and that Korean War veterans will probably be long gone before the war they fought 70 years ago ends. I have no remedies for these conundrums. Telling these groups of people that their suffering is for the greater good will not likely leave them content. And perhaps that’s why nobody admits the sad truth.
  
  | 0 Comments Tagged Conflict Resolution, Diplomacy, Human Rights, Korean War, Mike Bassett, Peace
- Surviving panic attacks
  
  Posted at 7:46 pm by mikesfuckingusername, on March 18, 2020
  
  With the right techniques, panic attacks can be managed and panic disorder can be cured.
  
  Sunday night I had a psychogenic seizure and convulsions as a result of the worst panic attack I’ve had in many years, and due to complications from switching medications that control them.
  
  It had nothing to do with coronavirus, it’s just PTSD — in case you wondered. The adrenaline-pumping attack came out-of-the-blue as I was watching a YouTube video about motorcycle crashes that probably triggered me on a subconscious level because I survived one last year.
  
  Panic attacks are often confused with heart attacks because the symptoms are very similar. I was diagnosed with panic disorder during a trip to the ER thinking I was having a heart attack, but my EKG was perfect. People experiencing them often feel like they are dying and going crazy both at the same time and they typically last between 10 and 30 minutes.
  
  I’m seeing a team of doctors to manage this better. They say the best ways to control them, aside from medication, is meditation and psychotherapy — both of which I regularly do. Psychology Today recommends 10 other things you can do to help.
  
  Having battled panic attacks most of my adult life, I sadly still find myself looking for ways to win. It is my personal belief that the psychotic break which led to my bipolar, originated from PTSD and panic attacks left untreated for so long. Psychiatrists believe comorbidity with panic disorder exists in 20% of those who suffer bipolar disorder.
  
  I’ve tried everything and still can’t find a cure, but in my psychotherapy session today it was explained that panic attacks happen when you “pop your top” in your frontal cortex, so it is important to stay out of that area of your brain — stop thinking so much(!) — and focus on your five senses.
  
  When I looked in the mirror during my panic attack, I couldn’t even see myself. All I saw were bright lights floating and blinding me as if I just got done staring at the sun. I could not feel anything but choking in my neck, chest and spasming arm muscles made me believe I was surely having a heart attack. My doctor explained that the associated shaking is the body trying to metabolize emotions.
  
  If you’ve never experienced panic attacks then count your blessings because they’re terrifying. Not only do you feel like you’re having a near death experience but you also feel like you’re about to totally disconnect from reality. Panic attacks technically CAN kill you but it is extremely rare. Taking these steps during a panic attack is usually enough to curb them.
  
  Controlled breathing is the most important one, based on research. I use an inverted table and CPAP to pull myself out of the worst ones.
  
  Anyone suffering from panic attacks should immediately let friends, family, and professionals know so that they can learn to survive and cope with them in the healthiest ways possible.
  
  The end is not bleak: Psychology Today posits that panic attacks can be cured by the sufferer learning to break the cycle and live without fear of having them, which is easier said than done and why so few people are ever totally cured of panic disorder.
  
  Surviving them is possible when the right techniques are deployed to manage your disorder and train your brain’s muscle memory to stop reacting with fear — which is supposed to lead to the cure.
  
  I wish everyone the best of luck in this endeavor, and hope someone will read this and be helped by it or be able to contribute to the conversation.
  
  Remember to stay out of your head and think positive thoughts so you don’t blow a fuse and have a panic attack! Good luck!
  
  | 0 Comments Tagged bipolar disorder, coronavirus, meditation, panic attacks, psychogenic seizure, psychotherapy, PTSD
- Fuck what people think, love yourself
  
  Posted at 1:36 pm by mikesfuckingusername, on March 6, 2020
  
  Never forget that loving yourself isn’t being selfish, it is a matter of survival. So do what you gotta do and live your best life.
  
  Too many veterans suffer the stigmas attached to invisible wounds because those wounds are part of who they are but people can’t see them. So when those wounds effect their behavior people who don’t get it shun them like a crazy person, when what they really need is to be embraced by someone trustworthy who knows and understands.
  
  Most of the people I know who suffer from invisible wounds say they’d rather have something visible so people would get it without having difficult conversations. This is certainly not to detract from the suffering amputees endure, I am just sharing the thoughts of some people with invisible wounds. I regularly experience anxiety about this too, but have learned how to develop my support network.
  
  Coming out to friends, family and coworkers is a daunting task, but be brave and keep in mind that they probably can already see that you’re a wounded warrior. Most of the time, the talks end up helping more than triggering, and in fact can feel very liberating and even rebellious.
  
  If you need motivation, just imagine how great it would feel not having to spent your entire life trying to hide who you are. Imagine being free to be yourself. Imagine having a good excuse to get negative influences out of your life. Imagine not spending your insomniac hours brainstorming how you’re gonna fake it through the day.
  
  I know showing them your invisible wounds is easier said than done, but people can’t know you’re injured until you do so. People in your support network need to know so they can understand and assist in times when you’re hurting too bad to fake being normal. Developing a strong support network and making them see your invisible wounds is central the management of your injury.
  
  Live in other people’s heads and you will always be their slave. Don’t be anyone’s slave. Be free.
  
  First, you have to stop caring what they will think. They will either accept you or they won’t. If they don’t then cut the sling-load cuz this is who you are and its not gonna change without a lot of constant effort over many years.
  
  Second, you need to be prepared for people so ignorant that they will say it’s a myth and that you need to suck it up, get some fresh air, and drive on. There are many in your life who are like that, and you need to identify and cut ties with them. I never respond the right way, so if any advice on how to best respond would be greatly appreciated. Most of them time I curse their ignorance and challenge them to live with me for a month or go fuck themselves.
  
  Third, you need to come up with a strategy. For me, I didn’t tell a soul for five years but I suffered tremendously because of it. I finally strategized to break it to a couple best friends, then my girlfriend, now wife, and then some family members. I suffer from such bad anxiety that this process took 15 years. But in the end, I found telling people to be so therapeutic that I finally just went public with it. Anyone who can’t accept it gets cut out of my life, even if it means quitting a job.
  
  Whatever you do, do not forget that your well-being is more important than what anyone else thinks of you. You are going to lose some people but it is for the best. You will eventually find yourself surrounded by people who are healthy for you, and that’s when you really start making progress.
  
  Disclaimer: All of these suggestions are based on personal trial and error. I am not a medical professional so my stories are meant to be taken as a helpful shared experience and not medical or legal advice based on any doctrine. It is always recommended that you seek help from medical professionals in your recovery, but doing your research and connecting with people who’ve experienced this is also helpful and that’s why I share my stories. If you are in crisis call 1-800-273-8255.
  
  | 0 Comments Tagged anxiety, bipolar disorder, coming out, End The Stigma, freedom, how to come out, invisible wounds, liberation, live your best life, PTSD, support netowrk, veteran support, what people think, wounded warrior
- #EndTheStigma: PTSD, bipolar and suicide awareness
  
  Posted at 6:19 pm by mikesfuckingusername, on March 1, 2020
  
  When I was on active duty in the Army, I developed PTSD and panic attacks after my squad leader was shot and killed right in front of me and I could not save his life. This occurred nearly 20 years ago, but just last year I finally stopped shouldering the blame for his loss. It can take time.
  
  We lost him as I was approaching the height of my active duty career, so even though I reached out for help, none was provided. Instead, I continued to march and was assigned increasingly stressful missions that only made things worse for me. The Army did not take it seriously back then and I was always told to “suck it up.”
  
  During one particular mission, I regulalry went days without sleep at a time, and several months without one day of sleeping more than four hours straight. This likely caused my first manic phase. I was stuck in it for so long that I had a psychotic break and chased a bottle of pills with a bottle of alcohol while setting my room on fire.
  
  Luckily, I was rescued and survived. But things should never have gotten to that point. Sadly, far too few people understand PTSD and bipolar disorder, so recognizing these invisible wounds can be hard. And talking about it can be even harder.
  
  A couple weeks ago, I tried talking about my diagnosis with a Vietnam veteran who was a bureau chief at a major newspaper in New York City. He said he believed bipolar disorder was a myth. It crushed me. But I knew if he even stayed with someone who suffers bipolar for one week he’d realize it was no myth. I started this blog because of that conversation and a new desire to educate people about what its like, to the best of my ability.
  
  As Joker aptly stated in the recent Joker movie; “The worst thing about having a mental illness is people expect you to behave as if you don’t.” Sufferers need to be able to talk about it, and people new to it need resources and a support network.
  
  Before I continue, I must note that I love life and want to live — there is nothing like almost dying to teach you that. Please think of this blog as a labor of love that I am doing with the hopes that sharing my stories could help just one person. Saving one life is much more important to me than what anyone thinks of me.
  
  Signs and symptoms of bipolar disorder can include, but are not limited to: Severe mood swings that cycle between mania and severe depression, not needing sleep or needing too much sleep, not eating or eating too much, paranoia, delusions, hallucinations, hyper-sexuality, excessive spending, substance abuse, etc.
  
  Note: I refer to being balanced as staying “flatlined.” Imagine a heart monitor when it reads spikes and dips above the flatline with each heartbeat. With bipolar, flatlining is a good thing; its one’s healthy place.
  
  There is no escaping bipolar disorder.
  
  When you suffer from bipolar, you’re saving the world when you can’t even save yourself. You’re chasing your flatline on wild adventures thousands of miles away, loved ones wondering if you’ll ever come home again. Or, you’re stuck in bed for days, or weeks, unable to even feed yourself, loved ones wondering if you’ll ever get up again. I often think of the Motley Crue song Merry Go Round when trying to describe how far bipolar delusions can take you.
  
  You feel everything more intensely than normal people could ever imagine. You’ll be happier or sadder than they’ve ever been. You’re standing there looking crazy to them because they can’t see the invisible rollercoaster that’s ripping your insides apart at the seams.
  
  You’re an expert judge of character because you learn quickly who has true compassion, loyalty, understanding and love based on how they react to you being you.
  
  You sadly accept society as blind and ignorant to the daily battles you fight just to be normal. You endure the stigmas dozens of times every day, and every time you try to break them someone hurts you for talking about it. They take your loyalty for-granted, not realizing that you treasure those who understand and support you so deeply you’d die for them.
  
  You learn to embrace a disease that controls and haunts you because it’s better to feel all of these things than nothing at all.
  
  We cannot expect things to change if we lack the courage to talk about it. The number one reason why things go too far, in my opinion, is because of the stigma against talking about it. We have to foster an environment where invisible wounds are treated with the same concern as visible ones.
  
  Managing bipolar is a constant battle.
  
  Every single day you need therapy, medication and an attack plan based on your condition. You must develop a strong support network of trusted friends, loved ones and therapists. For me, its a small but strong circle.
  
  Ideally, you will need a flexible job because some days your bipolar will prevent you from making it in. A proper diet, regular sleep or naps, exercise, stress reduction techniques, and assistance managing your money are a winning combination.
  
  Never forget that just because you feel good today, doesn’t mean you can let your guard down. Once you get bipolar, life gets more complicated and you need a constant plan of attack.
  
  And, most importantly, always remember that you are worthy, have value and deserve to be loved. And always love yourself no matter what disabilities you have.
  
  If you are suffering or know someone who is, talk to them and/or encourage them to call the National Suicide Prevention Hotline at 800-273-8255.
  
  | 0 Comments Tagged #EndTheStigma, bipolar disorder, disabled veterans, PTSD, Suicide Awareness, veteran
- Posted at 9:13 pm by mikesfuckingusername, on February 27, 2020
  
  PLEASE STANDBY. THIS SITE IS UNDER CONSTRUCTION.
  
  | 0 Comments Read On →
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